So the other day, my college time chaddi-buddy and i were discussing something (and surprisingly, this time it wasn't about sex.) Although it was in the close vicinity of it i.e. girls, unless of course one swings the other way or both ways perhaps, then one might have assumed it to be guys.
My dear pal had decided to get married and we ended up discussing what an ideal wife would be like. Of course at that point of time, both of us were stupid and didn't know that there is nothing like an ideal wife.
Among other aspects, the topic of a woman having a day job, came up. I was of the opinion that whether a woman works full time/part time or stays at home as a home-maker, it shouldn't matter to anyone and its a decision that only that woman has the right to make. My pal thought that women who stay at home cannot or may not be able to hold conversations & there may not be anything that one could discuss with them etc etc.
Yes, i know..its sexist..big time and told him so.
However, he replied with something which came to be the trigger of this post.
He said "dude you can think or say anything..but i am not going to judge you".
Till that day, the only time i had heard of this was while watching "Friends" or some sitcom on the similar lines. But it was a total american thing. I was surprised that how easily or quietly it has made inroads into our conversation.
What does one really mean by that "don't judge me" or "i am not judging you" etc?
I mean c'mon...whom are we kidding? Everyone and especially us Indians, we judge EVERYTHING. How do you think we go about making everyday decisions?
- We judge people by the colour of their skin.
- We judge a person by what he/she wears, the way he/she walks, talks etc
- We judge people by where they work, where they reside, what car they drive, how many cars they have etc etc.
- We judge a school by its building, its popularity(or the lack of it), its teachers, its fees.
- We judge an airline by the way it portrays itself - Kingfisher used to be a king when it started and Indigo was just another "cheap" airline. Today the roles have reversed.
- We judge and assume people who smoke to be villians. Even worse, Girls who smoke & drink are labeled "easy".
- We even judge people by what kind of friends they keep, whether they speak "good" english or not, whether they know about whats hot n happening on the music scene...yada yada yada. One can go on about it.
However, how come we have suddenly become conscious of it. Whats worse, we are now apologetic about it?!! Whats wrong in judging people? Yes i agree one can be wrong in one's judgement but so what?
There have been times when I have seen someone once and taken an instant dislike for him/her ..but I have been forthcoming in changing my opinion of them once we get to know each other better.
Often in my case, the reverse is more common. Since I am generally of a trusting nature, I tend to get fooled very easily...so yes, i have judged people - taking them to be nice and they have gone on to back stab me.
BIG DEAL !! Get up and get on with your life.
So do not be a hypocrite; do not say "i won't judge" when you don't mean it and cannot control it. Infact the way us humans are wired, the moment we say that we are not going to do something...then next instant we are thinking about it ! You don't believe me ?
(SEX ....here you go, whats the first thought that came to your mind ? )
;-)
Sure, I am going to judge you....but I am not going to form an opinion about you which I cannot change. And I don't give a rat's ass about who judges me and how.
An apt thing to ponder at this stage, in the immortal words of Audioslave "...to be yourself is all that you can do".
So do just that - Be yourself.
My dear pal had decided to get married and we ended up discussing what an ideal wife would be like. Of course at that point of time, both of us were stupid and didn't know that there is nothing like an ideal wife.
Among other aspects, the topic of a woman having a day job, came up. I was of the opinion that whether a woman works full time/part time or stays at home as a home-maker, it shouldn't matter to anyone and its a decision that only that woman has the right to make. My pal thought that women who stay at home cannot or may not be able to hold conversations & there may not be anything that one could discuss with them etc etc.
Yes, i know..its sexist..big time and told him so.
However, he replied with something which came to be the trigger of this post.
He said "dude you can think or say anything..but i am not going to judge you".
What does one really mean by that "don't judge me" or "i am not judging you" etc?
I mean c'mon...whom are we kidding? Everyone and especially us Indians, we judge EVERYTHING. How do you think we go about making everyday decisions?
- We judge people by the colour of their skin.
- We judge a person by what he/she wears, the way he/she walks, talks etc
- We judge people by where they work, where they reside, what car they drive, how many cars they have etc etc.
- We judge a school by its building, its popularity(or the lack of it), its teachers, its fees.
- We judge an airline by the way it portrays itself - Kingfisher used to be a king when it started and Indigo was just another "cheap" airline. Today the roles have reversed.
- We judge and assume people who smoke to be villians. Even worse, Girls who smoke & drink are labeled "easy".
- We even judge people by what kind of friends they keep, whether they speak "good" english or not, whether they know about whats hot n happening on the music scene...yada yada yada. One can go on about it.
However, how come we have suddenly become conscious of it. Whats worse, we are now apologetic about it?!! Whats wrong in judging people? Yes i agree one can be wrong in one's judgement but so what?
There have been times when I have seen someone once and taken an instant dislike for him/her ..but I have been forthcoming in changing my opinion of them once we get to know each other better.
Often in my case, the reverse is more common. Since I am generally of a trusting nature, I tend to get fooled very easily...so yes, i have judged people - taking them to be nice and they have gone on to back stab me.
BIG DEAL !! Get up and get on with your life.
So do not be a hypocrite; do not say "i won't judge" when you don't mean it and cannot control it. Infact the way us humans are wired, the moment we say that we are not going to do something...then next instant we are thinking about it ! You don't believe me ?
(SEX ....here you go, whats the first thought that came to your mind ? )
;-)
Sure, I am going to judge you....but I am not going to form an opinion about you which I cannot change. And I don't give a rat's ass about who judges me and how.
An apt thing to ponder at this stage, in the immortal words of Audioslave "...to be yourself is all that you can do".
So do just that - Be yourself.
